Questions!!?? Bloody Hell, I need some answers!!

I just don't get it...

Somehow this is turning even more complicated as time passes by...

I mean, she's just a girl, right? Cute and charming, but not so different from many other girls I've met before. But there's something about her, some detail that escapes my perception, or maybe it's just me hoping she has something special, you know, to feel alive again. The thing is I can't get her out of my mind, and sometimes I even found myself calling for her presence in my bloody thoughts. Like the Godfather of Soul said, "this is a man's world but it would be nothing, nothing without a woman to care".

Maybe it's bloody time to start feeling that love thingy again. After all, a couple of years have passed already and I feel kinda healed, although a few scars will always remain. But, again, why this girl in particular should be the "chosen one" able to "save me" from loneliness? Is she really that special? Is she so different from all the others who have made me feel dissapointed of their whole gender? Seems to be some signs telling me that, thought I'm trying not to be fooled by mere impressions.

But I do feel impressed by her, infatuated. Bloody messenger! I can't resist chating with her every time she's connected; I can't forget her, the sweet giggles, the tender voice, the spicy looks; I can't avoid having the weirdest dreams where I choke while smelling her long hair, a perfect death in the edge of this madness. But above all, I can't believe I'm somehow falling for that girl. I want her, I do want her for good, though I want her bad. And I miss her too, even when I feel uncapable of understanding why.

Sometimes I remember her smell, but try not to because it's so hard to contain the desire of taste her every secret. However, most of the time I just need to know she's not some girl I met, another mail in my messenger, an uncalled number in my cell phone or a woman I went with to something someday. I feel she deserves better and, deeply fearing what this could mean, we deserve better.

Time will bring some answers, I hope, because until now I'm totally clueless...